Religion vs. Faith vs. Parasites

I have had this issue with religion and faith come into my life for the past year and it has helped me to realize that, and I fear to say it, everything can be considered a parasite. At least almost everything. Religion is a huge parasite as well. This topic has broken down into several different topics that can spread into their own blog posts, but for this one, I will try my best to contain my thoughts into one.

History:
Since I was little, I almost spent every Sunday at church with my mother. It was not until about senior year of high school when attending church every Sunday was not pushed so often. I always considered myself a Roman Catholic. When I was around 12-15 years old, I would not go to bed without praying to God first. It usually was a random 5-minute conversation to myself, but I did it every night. My ex-girlfriend asked me one day why I am Catholic. I had no real answer. I first said because it was what my family expected of me and it was normal within my family so that's it. However, I realized that that answer did not explain why I was Catholic. She kept pushing it and pushing it and it made me feel uncomfortable, closed, in a tight space, to the point where I began to get frustrated for not having a ready answer. The question itself was good and needed, but the method in which she pushed to get an answer was not. It ended with me hearing a lot of shit come out of her mouth and me storming out the room. That relationship did not end well…but I did receive a lot after it was over. I questioned why I was Catholic. What are my reasons for being Catholic? When was it ever my decision to be Catholic or not? And from all the questioning and trying to answer, I found out that I have no answer for why I'm Catholic although I do believe in a God, in Jesus, in La Virgen de Guadalupe, and that will take me into the following.

Religion vs. Faith:
I believe having faith in a God is completely different from having religion. Who said you had to be a dedicated Catholic in order to believe in God, right? Well…I am sure someone has said that but I do not believe it. Religion is a fucked up parasite, let us be honest. It has killed and been the excuse to take over more and more land, or territory, for power. It is a manipulative tool that will benefit some and not others. Although religion has been a beneficial tool for followers, it has also caused a lot of damage. I do not comprehend than why we must have something so corrupted at times in order to believe in a higher power that is supposedly forgiving and understanding. I believe in some things that are incorporated in Catholicism: the Bible, the saints, Jesus, and God. I do not need to attend an institution such as Church to believe in thus things. That is my faith. I believe in a God. I believe God is fucked up too, a person or thing that does not explain why things happen to us, but I believe parts of the world have benefited from a God as well. Complicated subject.

Blogging:
Being so connected to the online world and displaying my thoughts on religion and my past life has made me think how trusting I am of the digital world. Occurrences that have happened because of my ex-girlfriend are things I would not want many people to know about. Nevertheless, in order for the reader to understand what I am writing or why I think the way I do, it seems somewhat crucial to know what happened. Maybe I am not so trustworthy. I would not display such a story that is so private to my family and I on something called the World Wide Web. The idea is tempting but it is now when I ask, 'why is it so tempting to display something so private for the world to see?' Hmmm…I really do not know.

Now:
I never fully recovered in the past year from what happened between my ex and I and the aftermath, however, the recovery process has thickened my usage of critical analysis and strengthened my mind. I have questioned the existence of God and his purpose. I have gone from once asking for help, to cursing the idea of a God, to believing in a God and hating it, to believing and at a 'now what?' stage. It has put my family through struggle, especially with my mother, the upholder of religion and God in the family. We have had conversations filled with tears and all the "good" stuff. Religion and faith are parasites...so what? (…to be continued…)